Does the thought of saying NO scare the “should” out of you? 

You know what I mean. You’re asked, or expected, to do something.  It may be something you do habitually.  It may be something a loved one, or your employer…. expects.  And, there are consequences.

And, that “should monster voice” inside your head is shouting all of the reasons you shouldn’t say what, deep down, you really want to say: “No”.  It’s overpowering the loving, caring, voice of your Inner Wisdom that’s telling you what’s really best for you.  Set your limit, and say, “NO”.

People-pleasing and doing what’s expected.  Natural to so many.  Tripping over yourself to give, give, give.  Doing what you… “should”.  It can be exhausting, and draining.  It can wear you down, take you out, and leave you feeling empty. 

How do you  say “NO” without shoulding yourself, and, ultimately, guilt taking you out?

How DO you set limits?

I had a friend ask me this recently.  I’d set my limits regarding a potentially draining situation in my personal life.  One of those “How can I NOT do this?  It’s what you do for the people you love.  It’s part of life” situations. You know the ones where you say those things to yourself so you can push through. 

Except, in pushing through, you’re denying the whispers from that inner, wise part of yourself that knows better.  The wise part that’s saying, “BUT you CAN’t.  Not for long.  It will take you out, and that won’t be good for anyone.” Or, maybe, “it simply does NOT light you up”.

 

This isn’t so much about what you do, as about BEING YOU.

Which means:

    • know who you ARE deep down.
    • know your core values, and be willing to honor them
    • be committed to living YOUR TRUTH,
    • stand IN your TRUTH with your Big Girl panties full-on
    • let others be responsible for their own lives, and feelings
    • be comfortable in your own skin.
    • know your own limits – HINT: your body is showing you by how you feel.
    • be your own #1, 100%, oxygen mask on first.
    • trust that the situation will work itself out for the best.

And, shifting your perspective helps, too. 

Isn’t it possible that what’s right for YOU is actually best for everyone involved? What if you’re empowering others to be responsible for themselves and their lives in new ways (without you)?  You may be “teaching them to fish.” What if, by asking for help instead of just saying, “NO”, someone else has the opportunity to share their gifts? Then, you’re gifting them an opportunity to feel valued. 

I know who I AM, and stand in that TRUTH.  Is it scary at times?  Sure.  Do I falter?  Yes, at times it isn’t easy.  I’m a human work in progress.

But, I thanked the “should monster”, and listened to my Inner Wisdom.  And, the situation is taking care of itself.

In what ways are you shouldin’ yourself today? How are you BEING YOU?

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